Nihilistic Horoscopes - Capricorn Sun Sign

Capricorn: The Relentless Climber of Life's Meaningless Mountain

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Welcome, Capricorn, to your personalized slice of existential dread. Born between December 22 and January 19, you are the steadfast goat of the zodiac, eternally climbing a mountain with no peak. How's that for a metaphor for life?

"The higher we soar, the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly." - Friedrich Nietzsche, who clearly never met a Capricorn

Traits of the Cosmic Goat:

Ambitious: Always striving for success in a universe that couldn't care less
Responsible: Taking charge of situations that are ultimately beyond your control
Practical: Finding logical solutions to problems that have no real meaning
Patient: Willing to wait for opportunities that may never come
Disciplined: Adhering to self-imposed rules in a chaotic and indifferent cosmos

As a Capricorn, you're known for your unwavering determination and work ethic. You climb the corporate ladder with the tenacity of a mountain goat, blissfully unaware that the ladder is propped against a cliff face of nothingness. Your practical nature serves you well in navigating the treacherous terrain of existence, even if that existence is ultimately pointless.

Your ruling planet is Saturn, the taskmaster of the solar system. How fitting that your cosmic overlord is a planet known for its oppressive rings and inhospitable atmosphere. It's as if the universe is trying to tell you something about the nature of your aspirations.

"The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy." - Albert Camus, who might as well have been describing Capricorn's life philosophy

Capricorn's Existential Crisis:

Your greatest strength - your tireless pursuit of goals - is also your greatest weakness. In your relentless climb towards success, you often forget to question why you're climbing in the first place. Is it for personal fulfillment? Societal expectations? Or is it simply because you don't know what else to do in this vast, uncaring universe?

Remember, dear Capricorn, that while your ambition may drive you to great heights, those heights are still infinitesimally small in the grand scheme of the cosmos. Your greatest achievements will be forgotten in the blink of a cosmic eye. But don't let that stop you from trying - after all, what else is there to do?

"I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit." - Ecclesiastes 1:14, a verse that Capricorns should have tattooed on their foreheads

So, keep climbing, Capricorn. Keep striving for that next promotion, that bigger house, that moment of recognition. Just remember that at the top of the mountain, you'll find the same void that exists at the bottom. But hey, at least the view might be nice.

For more cosmic despair, check out our Daily Horoscope page. Because why limit your existential crisis to just your sun sign?