Nihilistic Horoscopes

Mercury Retrograde: The Ultimate Cosmic Scapegoat

   Ah, Mercury retrograde - that magical time when a planet appears to move backwards and suddenly becomes responsible for every minor inconvenience in your life. From stubbed toes to failed relationships, Mercury shoulders the burden of human incompetence with stoic indifference.

"Mercury isn't moving backwards - it's your life that's going nowhere." - Ancient Nihilist Proverb

Universal Blame Distribution Chart

Mercury Retrograde: 99% of all problems (According to astrology enthusiasts)

Actual Reason: Your own choices (But we don't talk about that)

Mercury Retrograde Excuse Generator

Your cosmic excuse will appear here...


2025 Mercury Retrograde Dates (For Premium Procrastination Planning)

  • December 15, 2024 - January 3, 2025: New Year's resolutions already failing? Blame Mercury!
  • Mar 14, 2025 - APR 07, 2025: Tax season mistakes? Mercury's fault!
  • JUL 18, 2025 - AUG 11, 2025 : Perfect time to blame the universe for the unbearable heat & screwed up weather this Summer
  • NOV 09, 2025 - NOV 29,2025 : Build up to black Friday chaos can be shamelessly blamed on the Mercury this year.

Remember, during Mercury retrograde, communication breaks down, technology malfunctions, and your ex might text you. But let's be honest - these things happen regardless of planetary positions. Mercury retrograde is just astrology's way of giving you a cosmic permission slip for your daily disasters.

"In a universe devoid of meaning, we created Mercury retrograde to avoid taking responsibility for our actions. Genius, really." - Contemporary Cosmic Cynic