Jupiter Retrograde
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"When Jupiter moves backwards, your expansion becomes contraction, your growth becomes decay, and your optimism reveals itself as the delusion it always was."
Current Status
Jupiter is currently retrograde in Gemini, reminding you that material abundance is meaningless in an existential void.
Retrograde Start
October 09, 2024
Station Direct
February 04,2025
Editior's note: What to expect during this retrograde
Ah, Jupiter retrograde in Gemini—just what the cosmos ordered to spice up your existential hangover. Picture that gas giant, drunk on its own hyperbole, now hitting reverse in the sign best known for turning trivial chatter into an Olympic sport. If you’re already drowning in Gemini or Mercury vibes, congratulations: you’ve won a free pass to a mental circus where every thought rides a unicycle, juggling half-baked ideas and nonsensical philosophies.
In other words, instead of grand revelations and expanded horizons, Jupiter’s busy slam-dancing backward through a wind tunnel of useless trivia. It’s like someone pressed pause on your personal growth and replaced your intellectual ambitions with a stack of half-finished crossword puzzles. Good luck extracting any meaning from this cosmic game of telephone—the universe is too busy laughing at your attempts to decode its static. Enjoy sifting through the mental debris, philosopher-king of nowhere.
Effects During This Period
- Your philosophical questioning leads to more questions and zero answers
- Educational pursuits reveal how little you actually know
- Travel plans collapse under the weight of cosmic indifference
- Abundance transforms into awareness of infinite lack
- Optimism crumbles into a more realistic pessimism
How to Cope
Don't bother trying to cope. Jupiter retrograde simply reveals the futility that was always there. Embrace the contraction of your hopes and dreams as they return to their natural state of cosmic dust.