THE FOUR ELEMENTS (Triplicities)

Ancient classifications that mean nothing in the face of quantum mechanics

Welcome, cosmic tourists, to the gateway of four overpriced VIP lounges known as the “Classical Elements.” Don’t get too excited; these elements (Fire, Earth, Air, and Water) claim to shape your personality, but let’s be honest, you’re probably just here for the memes. Yes, each of the 12 zodiac signs falls neatly into one of these four cosmic boxes. They’re spaced 120 degrees apart—like celestial social distancing—and form what’s called a “trine.” Astrologers eat this geometry up, insisting that these elemental triplets “get along” better than reality TV housemates. Guess what? They still bicker. But at least it’s elegant bickering.


Modern astrologers swear by these four elements—also known as triplicities—like they’re top-shelf liquor. Each element supposedly comes with its own planetary rulers (depending on whether it’s day or night, no less—because the cosmos is a picky interior decorator). These triplicity rulerships are a vital “essential dignity,” which sounds fancy but mostly means more mental gymnastics for astrologers to justify their vaguely poetic predictions.


Want to see how this parade of hot, cold, wet, and dry emotional baggage breaks down? Dive into each of the following cards for more information and as a bonus, you can discover the grand cosmic joke that is your personality. Click through on the links for each, where you’ll find the element's triumvirate of signs, their associated seasons, and just how dry, wet, hot, or cold they are—like mixing cocktails nobody ordered.
🔥

FIRE

The element of destruction and transformation, reminding us that all achievements eventually burn to ash.

"Your passionate nature burns bright, but the universe remains cold and dark."
FIRE
🌍

EARTH

The element of stability and material wealth, as fleeting as sand through your fingers.

"Build all you want upon this earth; time will reclaim it all."
EARTH
💨

AIR

The element of intellect and communication, speaking words that will be forgotten.

"Your thoughts disperse like smoke in the infinite void."
AIR
💧

WATER

The element of emotion and intuition, flowing endlessly toward nowhere.

"Your emotions are but ripples on an infinite ocean of indifference."
WATER

Conclusion: Carry On, Brave Soul

Now that you’ve sampled the four elemental buffets—Fire, Earth, Air, and Water—go ahead, click through and pick your poison. Will you bask in Fire’s scorching spotlight, sink into Earth’s mud, get blown away by Air’s babble, or drown in Water’s oceanic tears? Choose wisely, or don’t. After all, none of this changes the fact that the cosmos keeps spinning, laughing at our need to label everything as hot, cold, wet, or dry. But hey, at least now you can sound “informed” while making sarcastic small talk at your next star-gazing party. You're welcome.