About The Absurdist
♏︎ ♒︎ ♑︎ Scorpio Sun, Aquarius Moon, Capricorn Rising
The enigmatic figure known only as "The Absurdist" joined our team after realizing that their extensive philosophy degree served better as an ironic wall decoration than a career path. Armed with a wit as sharp as Occam's razor and an even sharper sense of existential dread, they craft the daily doses of cosmic despair that our readers have come to know and tolerate.
Editorial Philosophy
Our Chief Editor approaches horoscopes with the delicate balance of someone who has read too much Camus and watched too many cat videos. Their style can be described as "cosmic comedy meets existential crisis," perfectly capturing the absurdity of seeking meaning in an inherently meaningless universe.
While the universe may be devoid of inherent meaning, our style guide is not. The Existential Editor maintains strict standards for:
- Proper em dash usage in expressions of cosmic dread
- Oxford commas in lists of meaningless pursuits
- Appropriate semicolon placement in existential observations
- Consistent capitalization of Void-related terms
Notable Corrections
"Your future holds nothing but the inevitable march toward entropy."
"Oxytocin is merely a biochemical response to evolutionary programming."
"Today is statistically insignificant in the grand scheme of cosmic indifference."
Notable Works
Sample Horoscope:
"Gemini (May 21 - June 20): Today, your ruling planet Mercury goes retrograde, much like your life goals. While others panic about miscommunications, you'll find peace in knowing that all human interaction is ultimately a futile attempt to bridge the unbridgeable gap between consciousnesses. Lucky number: π (irrational, just like existence)"
Famous Predictions:
- "Your career will advance significantly today, bringing you one step closer to the heat death of the universe."
- "Love is in the air. So is nitrogen, oxygen, and countless particles of cosmic dust that will outlast all human achievement."
- "Financial success awaits, temporarily distracting you from the void."
Writing Process
When asked about their creative process, The Absurdist reportedly stares into a lava lamp while contemplating the infinite void, occasionally consulting a Magic 8-Ball for its equally meaningful insights into the cosmic chaos.
This unconventional "Magic 8-Ball Method" is something they admit to have shamelessly stolen from the Unknown Caustic.
The Absurdist's work schedule follows the phases of the moon, not because it matters, but because arbitrary systems bring comfort in an uncaring universe.